HAVE A LAUGH ON ME!
I like to share with you a funny story, and believe me, it’ll stretch your imagination, but it's true, and I promise to not exaggerate. I’m a little wiser now mind you than I was then – so no judging if you please.
A few years ago ten of us, all male, from an organisation I was a member of at that time (Round Table), were invited to Douglas, Isle of Man; it sounded great, and it coincided with the motorbike racing. So we were all well excited.
We were to be hosted by a member from the same organisation, who lived and worked on the Island. A few of us took our cars and we crossed the short journey to the Island by ferry. The accommodation was first class. The food outstanding. We were well looked after, and entertained to the highest of standards.
One of our hosts worked, (general manager) in the main Casino, and he invited us along for the evening intending to give us the the Casino's VIP treatment. When we entered the Casino we were handed gold badges to wear.
We had the freedom of the place. This was getting better and better. Next to the Casino, a part of the same complex, was a nightclub, so it was there we all ventured. Threw some money into a kitty and the evening started.
One ten pound, another ten pound, yet a third ten pounds, and yet, drinks were only around £2 each. I turned to the person next to me and said. “We’ve been here just over an hour, I’ve had three drinks," the last was still almost full in front of me.
A few years ago ten of us, all male, from an organisation I was a member of at that time (Round Table), were invited to Douglas, Isle of Man; it sounded great, and it coincided with the motorbike racing. So we were all well excited.
We were to be hosted by a member from the same organisation, who lived and worked on the Island. A few of us took our cars and we crossed the short journey to the Island by ferry. The accommodation was first class. The food outstanding. We were well looked after, and entertained to the highest of standards.
One of our hosts worked, (general manager) in the main Casino, and he invited us along for the evening intending to give us the the Casino's VIP treatment. When we entered the Casino we were handed gold badges to wear.
We had the freedom of the place. This was getting better and better. Next to the Casino, a part of the same complex, was a nightclub, so it was there we all ventured. Threw some money into a kitty and the evening started.
One ten pound, another ten pound, yet a third ten pounds, and yet, drinks were only around £2 each. I turned to the person next to me and said. “We’ve been here just over an hour, I’ve had three drinks," the last was still almost full in front of me.
"I've placed £30 in the kitty within the last hour. Doesn’t seem right to me.” I grouched to the person sitting opposite me, the one who had charge of the kitty.
“No problem, I’m kitty host, stop the moaning, you can afford it.” He replied. “We’re on holiday, I’m sharing a little happiness.”
I did feel a little silly, but still... my inert nature couldn’t let the matter rest unchallenged. I didn’t mind a little happiness being shared, but not with my money.
“No problem, I’m kitty host, stop the moaning, you can afford it.” He replied. “We’re on holiday, I’m sharing a little happiness.”
I did feel a little silly, but still... my inert nature couldn’t let the matter rest unchallenged. I didn’t mind a little happiness being shared, but not with my money.
“Where is the rest of the money?” Placing a forcefulness into my voice.
Then I heard three voices almost simultaneously. “Hi David! Hi David! Hi David!
Instantly I knew. David had always been a bit of a girl charmer, and when he was at the bar bought drinks for his potential conquests, acts as lubrication to the good parts, he used to say. I insisted that he handed what we left of the kitty over to me. I received pence.
Instantly I knew. David had always been a bit of a girl charmer, and when he was at the bar bought drinks for his potential conquests, acts as lubrication to the good parts, he used to say. I insisted that he handed what we left of the kitty over to me. I received pence.
No more charming for David, or, if he wished to charm, he would have to lubricate from his own wallet and not from our kitty. I was determined.
Out of sorts I drank my drink and we headed for the Casino where I ordered £10 worth of chips, thinking perhaps, I’d win at least the drinks' kitty back. I approached the Roulette Tables with trepidation, I was going to spend, to gamble, to win some money. My expectations were high. The minimum bet was £1, I watched the wheel spin a few times and was quite taken back by the money involved: around £500 per spin was bet at each table, and in total there were 18 tables.
In I jumped, £1 chip on Red, the wheel spun: Black.
Another £1 chip on Odd, the wheel spun: Even.
I tried again.
A £1 chip on number 20, the wheel spun: O
I had had enough, collected the seven chips which I had left from off the table, and went straight to the cashier and asked her to change them back into seven pounds.
“Sir,” she replied, her words sprinkled with sarcasm. “Are the aware, there’s only £7 in chips here.”
“I know, and I’m aware,” I rejoined with equal sarcasm. “I’ve lost £3, now change them. I’m not losing any more money.”
I took the £7 out of her hand, went, and sat in a corner away from the tables, by this time I was completely out of sorts.
Two smartly dressed ladies walked past me, I smiled at them, and they came and sat next to me, one each side, and started to talk with me as if they’d known me for years. I think they were from Denmark or Sweden, not sure now, but do know they weren't from the UK. Things are not too bad after all I thought, as I noticed a few men look over to where I was sitting.
I mentioned Wales, the rivers, mountains, miners, a lot about Welsh Culture. They had never been to Wales, which I thought a bit strange, being that the Isle of Man is only just off the North Wales Coast. I asked them what they did for a living.
“This and that,” they replied. "We do OK, we like the Casino the best."
A few of my party saw me talking with the two girls and decided to join the three of us and sat round, and joined into the conversation. I had no problem with that; conversation flowed, and the girls were charming, but it was me they seemed to defer to the most, which does give you a buzz, I must admit.
One from my group stood. “Come on,” he said. Let's move on and go into the VIP lounge.”
The others nodded agreement and stood, except the two girls.
Out of sorts I drank my drink and we headed for the Casino where I ordered £10 worth of chips, thinking perhaps, I’d win at least the drinks' kitty back. I approached the Roulette Tables with trepidation, I was going to spend, to gamble, to win some money. My expectations were high. The minimum bet was £1, I watched the wheel spin a few times and was quite taken back by the money involved: around £500 per spin was bet at each table, and in total there were 18 tables.
In I jumped, £1 chip on Red, the wheel spun: Black.
Another £1 chip on Odd, the wheel spun: Even.
I tried again.
A £1 chip on number 20, the wheel spun: O
I had had enough, collected the seven chips which I had left from off the table, and went straight to the cashier and asked her to change them back into seven pounds.
“Sir,” she replied, her words sprinkled with sarcasm. “Are the aware, there’s only £7 in chips here.”
“I know, and I’m aware,” I rejoined with equal sarcasm. “I’ve lost £3, now change them. I’m not losing any more money.”
I took the £7 out of her hand, went, and sat in a corner away from the tables, by this time I was completely out of sorts.
Two smartly dressed ladies walked past me, I smiled at them, and they came and sat next to me, one each side, and started to talk with me as if they’d known me for years. I think they were from Denmark or Sweden, not sure now, but do know they weren't from the UK. Things are not too bad after all I thought, as I noticed a few men look over to where I was sitting.
I mentioned Wales, the rivers, mountains, miners, a lot about Welsh Culture. They had never been to Wales, which I thought a bit strange, being that the Isle of Man is only just off the North Wales Coast. I asked them what they did for a living.
“This and that,” they replied. "We do OK, we like the Casino the best."
A few of my party saw me talking with the two girls and decided to join the three of us and sat round, and joined into the conversation. I had no problem with that; conversation flowed, and the girls were charming, but it was me they seemed to defer to the most, which does give you a buzz, I must admit.
One from my group stood. “Come on,” he said. Let's move on and go into the VIP lounge.”
The others nodded agreement and stood, except the two girls.
“Come in with us," I innocently said.
“No! We’re not allowed.”
“No! No, come with us, I insist, we are guests of the general manager, I assure you, there'll be no problem. The drinks will be free, and there is food waiting for us there, and they have a number of private rooms for groups who wish to be together to play and talk,” I emphasised, trying to show my importance.
“Still can’t, but we have a caravan a little way up the road. You can come back there with us if you like, and we can have a little party, bring one of your friends, or just yourself. We don't mind.”
The weather was cold, it was dark outside.
“A caravan, no way, this is much better.”
“Where do you want it them?”
“Want it! What do you mean want it? I don’t want anything inside a caravan.”
One of the girls looked at me and smiled as if butter would have trouble melting inside her rounded mouth.
“There’s a bus stop around the back of here. It’s really quiet, and there’s a seat against the wall,” she smiled provocatively at me. "I'll give you a good price."
Price! The penny had finally dropped, or should I say, I jingled my £7 coins in my pocket, no way was I parting with them, even though they would have been only enough for a kiss, and a quick one at that.
“What job did you say you do?”
"You’re an asshole, and we’ve wasted enough time on you," one snapped at me, and they promptly marched off in a bad temper, their rounded smiles gone into hard faces, to try to find another sucker, this one wasn’t sticking.
The boys who were with me roared with laughter, most said, they has realised, but it was easy to say that, and too this day, when a few of us get together, someone is guaranteed to mention the story of the bus stop, as it later became known, as I said: a bit on nonsence and strife in a Bus Stop.
“No! We’re not allowed.”
“No! No, come with us, I insist, we are guests of the general manager, I assure you, there'll be no problem. The drinks will be free, and there is food waiting for us there, and they have a number of private rooms for groups who wish to be together to play and talk,” I emphasised, trying to show my importance.
“Still can’t, but we have a caravan a little way up the road. You can come back there with us if you like, and we can have a little party, bring one of your friends, or just yourself. We don't mind.”
The weather was cold, it was dark outside.
“A caravan, no way, this is much better.”
“Where do you want it them?”
“Want it! What do you mean want it? I don’t want anything inside a caravan.”
One of the girls looked at me and smiled as if butter would have trouble melting inside her rounded mouth.
“There’s a bus stop around the back of here. It’s really quiet, and there’s a seat against the wall,” she smiled provocatively at me. "I'll give you a good price."
Price! The penny had finally dropped, or should I say, I jingled my £7 coins in my pocket, no way was I parting with them, even though they would have been only enough for a kiss, and a quick one at that.
“What job did you say you do?”
"You’re an asshole, and we’ve wasted enough time on you," one snapped at me, and they promptly marched off in a bad temper, their rounded smiles gone into hard faces, to try to find another sucker, this one wasn’t sticking.
The boys who were with me roared with laughter, most said, they has realised, but it was easy to say that, and too this day, when a few of us get together, someone is guaranteed to mention the story of the bus stop, as it later became known, as I said: a bit on nonsence and strife in a Bus Stop.
Any funny stories you wish to share with me?
You seem like a big spender.
ReplyDeleteYou had seven pounds you could have used that money up.
ReplyDeleteThe girls were only making a living you should have given them the seven pounds.
ReplyDeleteGot you from Twitters your write funny things, like it lots will tell my friends about you, I once had a man come on to me on a beach and asked how much I would pay him to have sex with him - lucky my boyfriend was not with me he'd have blown his top, not wiht him now but that wasn't the reason. Can't seen to get your books, will loook again. June.
ReplyDeleteI just twittered you sent your blog to all my friends hope you books are that funny must get one cant afford only one which you do you recommend?
ReplyDeleteyour really are funny.don't comment normally but I laughed a lot over this.
ReplyDeleteDouglas, two girls, what did you expect in a Casino! How do you get your name on this thing, I can only get anonymous.
ReplyDeleteIt's John MaCann living in Scotland, I used to be a member of your network, back on top again I see, you got out at the right time, lucky you. next time come to Scotland instead of Douglas, the girls are prettier, Good luck Roy you've always been a winner.
I was also a member of your network any chance of a free book! have emailed you, but if it's anything like interlink i will have to buy one, have the first one and liked it but i see you have gone to American - big time, your site is catching on, you can write Roy, never think it to hear yo speak - you always sounded easy going but after i knew you there was more to you than I thought - I must admit you can write as well as you sell
ReplyDeleteDave Phillips do you remember me?
Its like a reunion here, I was a member - good network - now doing driving, Philip Jones - Leeds, do you remember me roy.
ReplyDelete